ABOUT ME

First off, let me address the moniker “Floozy Doozy.” My Granny used to call my little sister a “floozy” when we were little, because she loved to put on bright red lipstick and prance around half-naked in high heels. I guess floozy is the word old people use to label the wild women. So I like it. It sums me up quite nicely. And the doozy part? Well, it rhymes with floozy and it’s easy to type. And there you have it. Now, describing myself, that’s not quite as easy.... I was born and raised in Breckenridge, Texas. My dad is your stereotypically-unstable Texas oil man. He has been having a midlife crisis for about ten years now. He spends a great deal of his time knocking over trees with his bulldozer and chasing whores around. He once hid a hooker from me in the bushes. True story. My parents divorced when I was twenty, and my mom ran off with a rodeo clown. Okay, so he wasn’t really a rodeo clown...he was a horse trainer. Close enough. Luckily, that marriage only lasted a little over a year, and she is now back to her usual hobby of popping pills and happily riding her horses off into the sunset. My sister just graduated from college and moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in drinking vodka and stalking celebrities. My brother just graduated from high school. I will write more about him when he is no longer a nineteen year-old smart-ass. Back to me... I moved off to the city after high school and ended up graduating from college with a degree in political science. I was going to go to law school, but since I had already been in college for seven years, another three years of school just wasn’t going to cut it (yes, I was on the seven-year plan.) I went back to school for the summer to get my teaching certificate, but when I drank a few too many vodka tonics on my lunch break and passed out while I was supposed to be teaching my summer school class, I thought that maybe this teaching thing wasn’t such a good idea after all. However, during that one summer of grad school, I ran into an old boyfriend of mine from back in my hometown. He was finishing up his Master’s degree in history, with the goal of becoming a professor. We shared the same passion for reading, politics, and heavy drinking...it was a match made in heaven. We got married in a courthouse ceremony three months later, after he proposed to me via text message. He still likes to brag about how our wedding cost him $72 dollars. I know, I know, he’s so romantic. Just weeks after our wedding, I found out I was pregnant, and that is how I got to where I am today.... Today I’m living in housewife hell, but I love every minute of it! I have two girls now, which fills our home with plenty of estrogen-fueled drama (do nine and two year-olds have estrogen?) My oldest daughter throws fits when she can’t wear her roller skates to school. My youngest daughter throws fits when I won’t let her take her diaper off and play with her shit. Ahhh, it’s a good life. My husband is currently working as a teacher, but he’ll probably be getting fired from that job as soon as his employer reads my blog. I am unofficially employed as my dad’s personal therapist/whore chaser-offer/secretary. I have to continue my mission to run all of his Anna Nicole’s off so that I can continue to live an employment free life for as long as possible. This about sums me up! My life is an open book, so as far as I’m concerned, feel free to ask me anything you’d like! Well, I have cupcakes to bake for the kids (which is my code for I have to go eat some cake batter.) Ciao!